Pan-Sexual Anyone?

During my continue searches for females who look like females I started to realize that some profiles are telling me some odd things. Sure bisexual, seen it, heard about it, don’t really believe it, but sure, common enough. Then this 5’2 lovely woman describes herself as demi sexual, pansexual, and gender queen. That sounds like an awful lot of different feelings to put into 3 small phrases. Of course I go to look these classifications up because I am just flabbergasted by it all but the first thing I think of when look at these 3 descriptions are as followed:

  • Pan-sexual= loving pans, doing things with pans, sex with pans?
  • Demi-Sexual= love demi Moore? All I got.
  • Gender queen= queen of the genders, doesn’t that make you queen of the world? I wonder if Jack will re-write his titanic speech as being gender king sounds a lot more powerful than being king of the world. Small suggestion for the rework of the movie, use it if you will. I will request only small royalty paramount pictures.


So low and behold the actual deifications are as followed:


  • Pan-sexual=Not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity
  • Demi-Sexual= A person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It’s more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships. The term demi sexual comes from the orientation being “halfway between” sexual and asexual. I think I actually know one of these people!
  • Gender queen= An umbrella term for transsexuals, cross-dressers (transvestites), transgenderists, gender queers, and people who identify as neither female nor male and/or as neither a man or as a woman. Transgender is not a sexual orientation; transgender people may have any sexual orientation.

So riddle me this. This unique individual relates to ALL 3 of these terms

Therefore they are not limited in sexual choice, get that, because if you a gender queen you are pretty much everything and anything. Ok check mark on that one.  But then you have no attraction to people unless you’re in love AKA demi-sexual. But is demi-sexual more borderline A sexual or are they actually describing someone like myself who can’t just screw anyone, need to be in love for a deep attraction to take place?

Either way I am confused. I do believe there are tons of different sexuality view points and feelings but come on? Can’t we just call a spade a spade?

For example:

  1. Gay man=You are a guy and like guys
  2. Gay Girl= You are a girl and like girls
  3. Transgender= You are a girl/man and do not feel like you were born in the right gender role
  4. Transvestite= You are a girl/man and want to dress like the opposite sex
  5. A-sexual= You have no strong sexual desire towards anyone

Doesn’t that just seem simpler? Anytime we add a name/category to a desire it all gets more confusing. In your heart of hearts can you really not narrow your sexuality down to these 5 classifications?  If you can’t then I would see a psychologist because that sounds a whole lot more like split personality issue more then you just wanting to Fuck everything and want to be girl but you’re a guy and if you were a girl you would actually like guys but want to dress like a girl?

I mean no judgment, See I am working on it, I guess I should grateful that I just like girls.  Thanks universe for making my world more simplistic.  Good looking out.


Anything but cows please?

I read yesterday in A Course in Miracles that re-establishing of meaning in a chaotic thought system is the way to heal it.  I love this. I really love everything about A course and recommend to everyone. By writing I do feel like I am getting closer to my purpose each and every day.

The tricky thing about the course other than making your way through the separation and unifying with your source I.E reconnecting with God ( I like to say purpose or universe in place of God because that’s a too religious for me personally )is that part of healing and and finding purpose  is to be in the present and let go of past stories and let go of judgments. All judgments that you have on other people, the course states, is you really judging yourself, and then only way to release that is to forgive and heal yourself.

The whole non-judging and forgiving thing is tricky for me and I am becoming more aware of it day by day.

For example these are items of judge on daily, hourly, and probably every second of the day:

  • Overweight people- get help?!? Something is broken and you need to fix it but anyone overweight I feel like needs help and I view them as weak (wrong I KNOW!)
  • People who do not show up or commit to items when they say they are going to( Dislike this board line hate it)
  • Lazy people- you know who you are
  • Negative people- all doom and gloom, cheer up! Look where we are and all the blessings that surround us each day!
  • People who settle and do not give this life a real chance, basically not living out your purpose. Doing what society tells you is the right thing to do like getting married and having kids when you have no business doing either

There are other things I am SURE but those are the ones in the forefront of my brain this lovely morning.

One example that actual arose last night was this:

I am sitting at a brewery with a guy I know through work and his work friends. I have never met any of them before but they are all natives to the mid-west. At one point they start talking about cows. That’s right. Cows. Not even a debate about how we treat cows and what goes in them and how it’s not good for our bodies when we consume meat ( that I can wrap my head around) but talking about how sweet they are? How they are pretty dumb animals and just like to eat grass. I am sure there was more to this but this went on for 20 minutes easily so as a defense mechanism I blacked out most of what was said.

But come on God/universe whomever how the F am I not supposed to judge this conversation? Let alone find out why I am judging and what inside of me needs healing for judging these people? This is where it all gets tricky.

I guess the thing I can comes to terms with is that not all people will find what I say or what I want to talk about life changing and that I have to realize that people may find what I want to talk about strange and I cannot judge them for what lives they lived and experiences they have had.  I had to dig deep for this one.

This is why finding a mate I feel will be a true blessing as researching and all the self-development and learning I do has put my thought patterns on a different playing field and I feel like 90% of the population cannot relate. Do you just continue to forgive and heal so that you are more open minding to these types of things to find a connection with every person you meet? Maybe?Borderline probably so. It is all a process and I am learning each day how to better myself to see more clearly and judge less.

But hey God/Universe throw me something other than a cow conversation sometime soon will ya? Many thanks.

Let’s get deep

“The way we have been perceiving life needs to be rolled away, so that which is true can appear.”- Michele Longo O’Donnell

 As I have mentioned before I am on this journey to release fear and come to terms with my truth about being an openly gay women. Throughout my journey I have taken up yoga and meditation. My eyes have been opened to different literature outside my beloved business and self-help books. One of my readings has led me to the author Gabrielle Bernstein who is all about creating miracles and the attractor factor. She is also a student of “A Course In Miracles”. I have recently become a student myself taking on this heavy reading. My guess it will take me over a year if I am lucky to finish it.

I am only on chapter 2 and I am trying to get my head around the following main theme:

Perfect love casts out fear.

If fear exists,

Then there is not perfect love.


I am also hung up on this one quote:


If your miracle working inclinations are not functioning properly,

it is always because fear has intruded on your right-mindedness

 and has turned it upside-down.

All forms of not-right-mindedness are the results of refusal

to accept the atonement for yourself.


As a reference point the course describes atonement as forgiveness.


Heavy right? And every single page written is more dense then the next.


But here are my conclusions thus far. To clear space and get back to our “truth north” or truth we need to eliminate the fear we have created.  We eliminate fear by forgiving.


With this though in mind I am doing my best to start forgiving to eliminate this fear.


Here is the issue. My biggest fears as you all know by reading this blog is coming out.


I have also started thinking of my other fears or blocks that are holding me back and there are not that many. This is the big one.


If I am able to forgive and be truthful I believe I will release a lot of my blocks and more than likely open myself up for true love and start making some miracles happen in this life of mine.


But it is holding me back. This block.  SOS.


My point now is I need some guidance.Help me out people!

2016 Dating World


I have explored several sites over the past few years. The lists in no particular order or results warranted are as followed:

  • Plenty of Fish
  • EHarmony
  • Match


How many dates have I been on as a result of my commitment to searching these sites you ask? That would be goose egg, ZERO.


How many actual conversations have I had?  Perhaps 2?


How did these conversations go? A little something like this:

  • Me: Hey looks like we have some stuff in common. I know I don’t have pictures posted but I will send them right over if you are interested in learning more.
  • Possible cat-fish: I would like to see the photos
  • Me: Sent photos. I am the person who looks the same in each photo
  • Possible cat-fish: Hot
  • Me: why thank you. If you open to chatting more I am never on the app so here is my cell #. Looking forward to learning more


And that has wrapped up my 2 conversations.  Although I am flattered by the “hot” comment, that’s it?


Leaves me thinking 1) where did I go wrong with a 3 sentence convo? 2) No but really am I missing something?


I am leaving this open to discussion my fellow bloggers/ readers. What the hell is going on?


Community- Reality or Perception?


“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love Jillian Michaels. Not only because she is bad ass, honest, and down to earth but because she is gay. She is gay in a way that warrants no attention or drama around this fact. She doesn’t parade around acting like her being gay is a crutch or a handicap that she was born with but acts like we all should, this is who I am. She fell in love with someone and it happens to girl. End of story. I of course have no insight into her life prior to her current state but I admire her.

This got me thinking of other gay women in the public eye. Which leaves me with just Jillian ( nice play on words for her current show) and Ellen.  This is amazingly low. Not to say there are not more publically gay women ( I think Tia Tequila is bi?) but those are the only two that stand out to me.

I also started to ponder who is out in the gay community in terms of Men. All I got are Clay Akin and Lance Bass. Again I am sure there are more but that’s all that came to mind.

Only 4 total known public celebrities’ are gay in my limited knowledge world. How the hell can this be?

I tried doing some minor research and basically concluded that the U.S believes a small % of Americans classified ourselves as gay in one way, shape, or form.  This cannot be the case. It is not like we have a special chromosome or something and we are some kind of rare breed. I whole heartily believe that if were to do an anonymous survey of this the overall results would be dramatically differently.  These stats just make me overwhelming sad as it seems I am not the only one not being true to myself.

One stat that stood out to me is that there are more bisexual people then your standard gay women or man.  This makes complete sense to me. I am SO much more comfortable by saying I am open to having sex with both genders oppose to going completely against the “norm” and saying I only like to sleep with girls.  I am 99% sure that my bi friends if they were being true to themselves would just say who they prefer to sleep with instead of falling into this grey area. Sure I do believe there are bisexual peeps but this total # should not be outpacing the # of our plain gay self’s. (-> Reference

It’s time to speak the F up people! I am not interested in being held capacitive by fear and don’t want to live in a society of people who are plagued by the same fear.  I am taking steps daily to be true to myself and encourage you to do the same.

Find your vessel, your true north, or your “come to Jesus” breaking point.

Whatever it takes as there are moves to be made. So shall we start making them?