Mission/My Purpose:

Driving around on this 85 degree Saturday October day (you can hear in unison all Missourians chant “That’s St. Louis for ya,can’t predict the weather”.) I started thinking about this blog and really why I am doing this. While you have heard me say in my first post I am looking at this blog as a channel to share my journey of sharing my sexuality. Yet it is so much more than that.

As you have all heard before (Yes I am still talking to my one reader, I know your still there,I can hear you breathing) I am all about self-improvement and more recently spirituality. While doing my meditation today I was thinking about how I can live an inspired and serving life as that is my ultimate goal. To serve my family, friends, and community in any way shape or form and to live a purposeful/inspired life where I feel like I am doing and being my full self is the end goal for me. How am I doing that do you ask?


By doing just this.


I am on a mission. I am on a mission to share my story and to help others make this journey a little bit easier for those who precede me. This is what I want my legacy and footprint to be. I want to be the person who made being a lesbian easier and more accepted by today’s society. It drives me crazy that I am a 30 year old smart, successful, and confident woman who is lying. Lying to herself, lying to her family/friends, and limiting my ability to connect with everyone on am authentic level.


I know, I KNOW, I am not alone.


I hope by sharing my story and yes ultimately coming out of the closet will help others like me not only come out much earlier in life but will also create awareness & acceptance. I want to help educated, lead, and change society perception of what being a gay women means and how there is no, no reason to judge us. I want to eliminate the shame & fear around being yourself for anyone/everyone who is different. I want to lead the revolution. That is my dream and that is my purpose. Writing is my platform. At least for now 😉


Hollerifyafeelme. Peace4now.




Dream Big-You are limitless- No more Survival mode required

I have been making some big moves the last few weeks so I apologize I haven’t written sooner( to my one follower at this point I am apologizing, I should really just send you a thank you letter personally for being my first of many fans, it’s an honor I am sure or at least it will be 😉 ).  Anyways I have been on the path of more self-discovery and have finally made a decision of when and where I am moving to. SoCal here I come! Please expect me in Jan 2017! While on my journey I was able to do a lot of reading and thinking.  I just finish “Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown as I may have noted before and am very excited about the new ideas learned by miss Brene. It also has gone hand and hand with what I learned in “Living an inspired Life” by Wayne Dyer. It’s always so funny to me how business, spirituality, and self-improvement go hand in hand and how so many people believe they are separate items. The truth is they are intertwined and if we are living an inspired purposeful life they drive and intensify each other.

While I was on my connecting flight from Denver to LA I was thinking about daring greatly in regards to being open and vulnerability enables you can live a purposeful life/ wholehearted life. You have to be overwhelming certain that this is your purpose and this is your vision and the universe will have your back in manifesting your thoughts into reality. I started thinking about the society now and how many people do not think they are limitless and their scope is focused on such small wins. These wins may be just small in my mind but when life and earth are your personal canvas I know that having kids and chilling at home with a 9-5 job is not what I am here for.  I love that people will go through the following questions to get a sense of where you fall in line what they believe a women should be looking to achieve in life. Questions go a little something like this:

  • Are you married? -> Yes -> do you have kids? ( good you are winning)
  • Are you married? -> Yes-> do you have kids? -> NO -> Why not? Are you trying? -> What is a life without kids?!?
  • Are you married -> No -> are you dating? ->NO I am not -> are you OK? -> You seem so normal, you deserve someone, you don’t want to be alone forever  -> are you gay? -> YES, YES I am thank you for noticing!

I hear this all the time. It’s like the basic run down when anyone first meets you other than the standard question of what do you do? Which they seem to be only be interested in if you aren’t married, if you are married who the hell cares what you do you already winning the life game.

Notice you never hear people ask if people are truly happy or if you feel like you are living a purposeful life. The truth is that people A) Don’t think having a purposeful life is attainable for the average Joe or it is just too damn hard to get there B) They think meeting the social norms is their purpose and they have what they believe will make them happy. It makes me concerned for most of society because God people there is so much more then that.

It seems like we are still wrapped up in the survival type mentality. Survival mentality to me means getting our basic needs out of life and then stopping. The best example I can give of survival mentality is my grandmothers. They we brought up with not many opportunities to work, go to school, or have a life of their own. Their goals and happiness was almost already met when their families brought them to American. Having a husband and kids was the icing on the American dream cake and they were truly grateful for this opportunity.

My grandmother always tells me the same story of working for her dad’s garage and having to take the train to Manhattan one day to a make a delivery. She explains how scared she was to go and how great of an experience it was going into the city for that one day. She brings this up every time I see her. She was thrilled she received the opportunity and absolutely holds a portion of regret of never going back. It’s like my grandmother got a glimpse of what life outside of survival mode could be and that was enough for her at that time. As she reflects you know that if she could she would have done it differently. My other late grandmother has the same type of goals and really instilled them into to my mother who still has this same survival mentality decades later.

We are so far from this survival mentality yet we are still so stuck in this quicksand way of thinking. I am grateful to have my basic needs met as so many people still do not have these needs met  but I know I can be/ dream much bigger than what society believes is enough.  Most people are in plain old fear thinking they can’t do what they wholeheartedly want to do. They can dream big & they can make big things happen. All it takes is hard working and a switch of perspective and thinking.

Strange as it is I always think about the vanderpump rules cast( yes I do mindless things as well) when I think about how your thoughts create your reality. While they are all self-absorbed and full on delusional they came to LA to be famous in one regard or another and hell they actually fucking are now(without doing anything that requires actual talent, unless mindless drinking and sex requires talent, I think it mainly just requires that you have a mouth). But just think their thoughts were so strong that they created a world that they desired.  I encourage everyone to take a step outside of what they think they are supposed to want and think about what they truly want! And then go get it for God’s sake. He/they/she/the universe/budda/yoda/whomever wouldn’t want it any other way and if Jaxs from pumprules can do it so can you!

Holler if ya feel me. Peace for now.